edward

Usually around this time of month, I am losing it big time. Work stress, compiled with post-holiday stress, a dash of girl trouble, and bam, a predicted break down. I think this year is going to be different though, for one, im not that worried about work. Every year it gets super crazy, and every year it works itself out. Shit happens, and just like it started, it’s already over. Christmas went very well for me, though I still am not a big fan of the holiday, I did however learn a lot from it. This Christmas was one spent with family, not just the ones that im related to, but the ones that are part of my life, through it all. It was great, though I doubt I will get a tree again. Not for a long time at least. As for girl troubles, I have NONE right now. The amount of drama in my life went from too much, to none at all, in regards to relationships. My friends are filling in, as they normally do, keeping me from doing something stupid. I took their advice as to how to deal with my issues with Sara, and so far it has worked very well for me.

As for the New Year. Well I have some resolutions, which I am happy to try out and hopefully stick with. So far it sounds like our group is in for some amazing adventures! Movie night, has just been upgraded, thanks in part to my Christmas/birthday present to myself. NEW TV, everyone is excited. Last night we all feasted on some of the most amazing food we have made. BIG BIG dinner, with all the works, plus the Indian Jones trilogy, plus some card games, and cigars... now that i think about it this whole weekend was amazing.

Friday, we all drove down to west Hollywood to see Annie Hall in this old fashion theater ($6 tickets, $1candy)..wow! Then over to the gypsy for some tomato soup, and people watching. Then back to my place.

Saturday, sleeping in, only to be interrupted mid nightmare by Billy seeing if I wanted to get some sushi. Lunch was amazing, and all you could eat. Good times! Then over to my parents, where they convinced me that I should get a new TV. So back home i went, Billy came over, and off to Circuit City. 45mins later, back home setting up my new 42" LG LCD. Then everyone came over to watch movies etc, south park well into the early morning.

Sunday, sleeping in, once again. Watch tv, read a bit, then the parents came over to check out the tv. Molley came with, and got to play with Darth, it was fun. Then plans for what turned out to be one of the biggest, tastiest, meals we (Billy and I) have ever cooked.

Another night i lay awake,
my emotions set free, dance around the room.
all except one.
it sits with me, in sorrow and self pity.
we compete as too who can hang their head lower.
it laughs knowing it’s been defeated. I laugh knowing how sad that is,
was that a laugh or insanity trying to break free?
laughing at my emotions, what has become of me?
i look back to when I was looking ahead, “would have never predicted this”, I think to myself.
my heart is pounding, it turns to me and whispers.
the pounding deadens
i fall to the ground.  It jabs at my side.
“I feel sick”, I say.
It whispers to me again.
“you did this to yourself”.